Which Voice in the Dark is Mine?

I had a stressful week at work, and just didn’t have the time and energy to write a post, at least not at the kind of quality I expect of myself.

The other disappointment is that I am so strapped on time/energy, that reading about the topic of personality is a challenge. I was posting every day, and although it was all based on internet sources, it was something to point you, the reader, towards in the hope of facilitating a deeper exploration.

In stressful times, I talk to myself in my head, give myself directions, sometimes scold myself for being foolish. It feels like it’s coming from the front half of my brain.

When life is calmer, perhaps when I’m still but not too tired, I’ll “hear” a voice say something very brief, in one or two words. Sometimes it’s just my first name (this occasionally happens when I’m dozing off in the day, when I have things to do), as if a gentle reminder to wake me back up. Usually that voice is a woman’s, spoken in a motherly way. Fairy godmother? This voice sounds around late-twenties or early-thirties, and she sounds like she’d be attractive. I’ll wake up for that.

Other times it’s my voice (coming from the back of my head), or a man’s voice with a somewhat deeper, older, richer tone. A little spooky. I don’t know what any of this means, but I’d love to find out.

Where does this phenomena intersect with personality? If people were more open and honest, we could start this a little better. But when you say “I hear voices”, people get a bit concerned about you, or back away out of concern for themselves, even if they themselves have the same thing going on. But that’s average people, not psychologists or other health professionals.

My guess would be that personality in this case is better revealed through what the voice or voices are saying. Without getting into the nature of the subconscious (I’d need a lot more of an education to do that), the motivation of the subconscious (supposing there is one) has already helped shape the personality, is perhaps shaped by the personality, and thus is an inseparable part of the personality.

I’m not talking about auditory hallucinations, at least not as I understand it. Correct me if I’m wrong, but my impression of auditory hallucinations is that the person having one perceives it as though it came from one or both ears. It sounds as though it’s real, occurring externally in the environment around the person.

When I’ve heard a voice, there has only been one time when I thought I heard it with my ear. I was young, maybe thirteen or fifteen, and it was late at night. I was in the bathroom, just standing there, inspecting my face in the mirror. In my left ear, I heard the aforementioned woman’s voice say my name very calmly. The voice sounded so caring and affectionate, that I wasn’t scared or disturbed by it. If I believed in angels, she was mine.

All of the other voices I’ve heard while awake clearly come from my own mind and do not involve my ears at all.

Voices (and sound effects – Exploding Head Syndrome) that occur in half-sleep are usually louder and clearer, sometimes very loud and alarming.

I’m fortunate so far, and hope that I don’t develop any problems with this as I get older, if my mind deteriorates.

Relatability

I know individuals who are “outspoken” by voicing opinions and displaying traits that go against the “regional” average personality, crossing the line of what’s socially acceptable where they live. Let’s say that one of these individuals lived in the same town his whole life, until he takes a very extensive trip around the world, lives in various place and gets to know people in a number of different cultures. Years later he returns to the town he originally lived. He now can see the difference between his hometown’s culture and other cultures. If most of the other cultures he exposed himself to tolerated his personality easily, does he readjust his perception of himself? Does he turn a critical eye toward his hometown? I sure hope so. I wonder what Dolly Parton’s take is on this.

The way you describe your personality traits is in relation to a perceived average, how you describe the “average person”. I only say this to acknowledge it, the subjectivity of it, or better yet the subjective idea of objectivity of it. Are you following me so far?

There’s a lot I’m not accounting for here, or at least haven’t addressed yet, such as the difference or relationship between behavior and the personality, or Woody Allen. Think of going out with your girlfriend when she feels like she’s got something to prove, and the disaster she half-calculated it would be.

In my hypothetical individual and his hypothetical trip abroad, he’s living in comfort, the places he lives are in stable condition without turmoil or desperation. The economy is good, it was before the 2016 election, there was a sense of relative stability. That’s not reality now, but I need something to hold still long enough for us to look at it under a magnifying glass.

So is there an objective human personality? Some standard we can compare ourselves against? George Clooney, even? I hope that in my research I find someone who can argue that there is or isn’t such a thing, one way or the other. I don’t mind being proven wrong, as long as it’s proven in the real world, not Fox News “proven”.