You and Your Perverted Self

“The true emotional meaning of the accident was all along hidden from the patient, so that in consciousness this emotion was never brought into play, the emotion never wore itself out, it was never used up.” – C.G. Jung, The Theory of Psychoanalysis

The urges that drive us, even now. We interpret and reinterpret them, make excuses for them, think we need them, go to great lengths (even commit crimes or risk our lives) to satisfy them. But do we doubt them, turn on them, question ourselves before we go too far? We know too many real-life cautionary tales, but they don’t satisfy our longing. We must do something to satiate our “need”.

The fact that many of these urges get channeled into sexuality is more a statement of the culture you’re brought up in than any kind of judgment of you. As long as sex and wish fulfillment are lumped together by you, that’s all you’ll feel comfortable with – someone whom you feel comfortable expressing those urges with. I come from a drama background, so I know there’s at least one other way. Who you are and what you want go hand in hand at any given moment in time, so why not express both publicly? That’s a pretty good recipe to get a number of people jailed, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If we fought against it, over time, things could improve. I know, that’s some pie-in-the-sky thinking, but shit, man, what better solution do you have?

Culturally, we’ve seen some pretty unexpected advances recently. Let’s not doubt that momentum, but keep it chugging on. Keep that ball rolling. It’s not like your perversion is going anywhere good. Just kidding!

I want to see more people expressing their deep inner urgings in public, as long as they are only hurting consenting adults.

I take that back – I don’t actually want to see it, that would give me nightmares. I just want someone to tell me it happened somewhere in public without making me watch the video to find out. Thank you very much for understanding.

Integrity, Anyone?

As an infant scans his mother’s face he absorbs clues to who he is; as adults we continue to search for our reflections in others’ eyes. While the parent-child bond is not necessarily destiny, it does take quite a bit to alter self-concepts forged in childhood, whether good or bad. People rely on others’ impressions to nurture their views about themselves, says William Swann, professor of psychology at the University of Texas, Austin. His research shows that people with negative self-concepts goad others to evaluate them harshly, especially if they suspect the person likes them—they would rather be right than be admired.

via Metaperceptions: How Do You See Yourself? | Psychology Today

If you don’t mind, read that last sentence again for me. Does this explain assholes? I’ve been puzzling this out for years and years, and this is the best explanation I have heard. Another way to say it, without putting words in the mouth of the author, is that because people who have negative self-concepts may also value being true to themselves, “being right” and being awful is being a real person, and being admired is “selling out”. It’s a matter of pride to show resistance to mass pressure. I can understand non-assholes having a tough time understanding that someone’s idea of a better choice is to be a worser person, but that’s the topsy-turvy logic of someone who feels like their existence is not a benefit to the world, and yet still has a shred of integrity.

In order to change such a mentality, one would need to admit how wrong one got it, come back to human and face the fact that they’re not so smart after all. In effect, they’d have to take back all they’ve said and done in the name of showing their contempt for themselves and for the lack of understanding they’ve received from others. They’d have to abandon the sinister vines they’ve wholeheartedly nurtured in the garden of pride and defense.

When we talk of someone’s idea of conviction and standing their own ground, it is hard to give up and change, no matter who you are, or in which direction.

Watch Yourself Through a Johari Window

via Johari Window – take the test online

Above is a link to a site by Kevan Davis that allows you and your chosen friends to participate in the creation of a Johari Window all about you. On the same site, here’s the link for the “Nohari Window” – even better!

Nohari

A Johari Window is a model of the self that can help people take a step closer to self-awareness. It is food for thought, but powerful enough to be its own buffet – it has the potential to bring up a cornucopia of questions, but will leave you starving to know more about yourself.

The “Window” is simply four panes, drawn simply as a square cut into fourths. Even Americans can do that for themselves.

The upper left pane is the “Arena”: the you that you see in yourself, and that others can see as well. Show-off.

The lower left pane is the “Facade”: the you that you see in yourself, but that others cannot see. You big fraud.

The upper right pane is the “Blind Spot”: the you that you are in denial of or cannot see, but others see clearly. (I think this is the one that worries me the most.)

The lower right pane is the “Unknown”: neither you or anyone else can see this part of you. How exciting! The you we never knew.

I said in my last post that personality tests should aspire to more than being a reflection of your opinion of yourself. You and I both know too many people with a skewed impression of themselves to take any stock in that. You might want to know what Kanye West scored on his test, but it’s not like it will change your opinion of him. If there were a way to allow others who know you well to contribute, the tests can be much more meaningful. Anything to protect you from handing your money over to Tony Robbins.

Though technically you could simply ask loved ones to take a personality test with you in mind, with how they see you, it’s not clean and easy (even worse than your facade to them muddies the results). I haven’t been introduced to a test that is designed for the input of others, save the one linked at the top of the post. (I don’t know so much yet, so I’m hoping I get to edit this post when (if) I find one.) (I want you to pay for your crimes.)